Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
