Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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