I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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