Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize