New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
