i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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