Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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