okay pat passed out under dana's car
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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