Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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