I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
