It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize