I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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