I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
