who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!