Cold hands, warm shart.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying