it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.