This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.