At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music