The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.