She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
where are you?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.