honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
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girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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