I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
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I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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