I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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