I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Panties = found
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
