WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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