Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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