so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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