Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.