I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize