is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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