you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Boobs are out for the taking
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
