I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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