I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
