then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
