she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
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Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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