Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
