he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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