then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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