I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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