im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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