Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
