Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
