So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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