Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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