the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize