how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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