I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
