Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.