man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.