Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?