Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
honey bunches of taint.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?