We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out