That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The best revenge is premature balding
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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