dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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