two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize