Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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