I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
