I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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