Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize