I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
